Well, this is it. The last work week of human existence. Only the Mayans know if the world will cease to be early or late in the day on Friday, December 21, 2012. I'm hoping it's early, since I have planned to do some last-minute Christmas shopping in the evening and you all know how much of a pain-in-the-ass that can be.
Since I'm trying to eat as much pepperoni pizza and Twinkies as I can between now and then, I don't have all that much time for blogging. David Letterman has always done well with lists. So here's mine...
Top Ten Things I'll Miss When The World Comes To An End
10. Magic Mondays at McDonald's. Buy one Big Mac or Quarter Pounder with Cheese and get a second sandwich for $.25. This would be higher on my list if the promotion hadn't just started this week. I only get one Magic Monday -- I'm going to make the most of it.
9. Nutella. The delicious hazelnut spread. Mmm, mmm (emphasis on the second mmm). Not sure if the FDA checked this one out yet. No way is this stuff good for you.
8. Jumper Cables. My first non-food related item in my top ten. Not once have I regretted the purchase of jumper cables in 2006. I just wish I could take them with me into the next life.
7. The Amish Mafia on the Discovery Channel. I was so hopeful after week one of the series that I'd be able to follow Levi and company lay down a little Menonite justice. I guess not.
6. My Nosehair Trimmer. Do I need to elaborate?
5. Wind Turbines. Man, I could watch those things all day long. If I see one off the highway, I just pull over and gaze. I often wonder how they keep moving, even when there's no wind to speak of. Oh well.
4. Pop Tarts. I eat them sober.
3. Milk. Gotta have something to go with the Pop Tarts.
2. Gold Rush on the Discovery Channel. Hey, I'm just keeping it real. Afterall, there are no rules when it comes to how many Discovery Channel shows you can have on your Things I'll Miss When The World Comes To An End Top Ten list. I only wish I could have seen Dakota Fred strike it rich by hitting the mother load in the Porcupine Creek glory hole.
1. Olestra. I always thought that's what would have killed me. Who knew.
Well, that's it. I have many others that just couldn't make the cut. Good luck to everyone, especially you doomsday preppers out there who have been stockpiling gallon cans of chili beans and brussel sprouts, hoping to outlast the rest of us.
Farewell. But, if for some reason the world doesn't end on Friday, please don't tell me what happens on Gold Rush this week. I DVRd it.